when you are dealing with difficult or obnoxious people - 6 May 2026 #stoicism

Remember that you don’t control other people. You only control your judgments, your actions, and your character.

1. Imagine the person you are struggling with as opponent who had been sent to test your behaviour, patience and response.

2. Separate the person from the behaviour, don't label people as “idiots”, "uneducated" or "evil". Focus of the behaviour and use some labelling as this is misguided, not well reasoned, has factual flaws.

3. Ask yourself “What can I control right now?”

- tone of your response

- setting boundaries

- deciding whether to engage

- your current emotional state

4. Take a deep breath before responding.

1. Breathe

2. Notice your irritation

3. Choose your response deliberately

5. Respond calmly without contempt avoid falling into the trap of being passive-agressive.

Aim to be

- calm

- factual

- brief

- response without ego

- response without the need to “win”

6. Try to see things as if people are acting from ignorance or poor "programming" not from malice or being deliberately "evil".

Most people aren’t evil. They’re:

- scared

- uninformed

- insecure

- shaped by bad habits

- repeating what they’ve been taught

7. If after genuinely trying to engage then you may need to disengage, but do so without drama:

“I see we’re not going to agree. Let’s leave it there.”

Remain calm. Be Controlled. Don't get emotional.